Got this from somewhere.
1) A man trying to understand the nature of God and asked him: "God, how long is a million years to you?"
God answered: " A million years is like a minute."
Then the man asked: "God, how much is a million dollars to you?"
And God replied: "A million dollars is like a penny."
Finally the man asked: "God, could you give me a penny?"
And God said, "In a minute."
Story Jokes from Readers' Digest.
2) A veterinary technician was in the hospital recovering from a ski accident.
She receives a card and flowers from her coworkers at the vet clinic.
The card read:
"Lie down, Stay, Heal...Good Girl"
3) A man was recovering from a head injury.
The doctor in charge says to the man.
"Can you tell me your name and address?"
The man is quiet for a minute.
Doctor: Yep, he's going to be fine.
4) There was a class of about 300 students and they were all taking a test using standard blue books. A professor was proctoring the test and he was strict on fair grading.
After the hour was over, all tests had been turned in except for one.
A young male student rushes over to the stack of blue books in the front of the lecture hall where the professor was.
The strict professor looks crossly at him.
"Don't even bother turning it in. Just rip it up. You know my rules about turning in exam after the designated hour. You're getting an F."
The angry student cries, "Do you know who I am?!"
The professor shouts back, "No, I don't care who you are. You know my rules. You turned in your exam late!!"
The student says "Good".
Before the professor can blink, the student quickly thrusts his blue book right into the middle of the stack and runs out the lecture hall like lightning.
5) I was in a tour group near some forest.
I was standing next to a little girl with her father.
The tour guide points to an ancient twisted and gnarled tree.
Tour guide: This tree is over 200 years....
and so on.
The little girl near me quietly but proudly says, "Daddy, that tree needs an adjustment."
I turn to the father in confusion.
He just grins and says,
"I'm a chiropractor."
6) A guy walks into a bar.