My one friend works at the local, non-chain gaming store and recently his health has taken a turn for the worse.

At first I was unaware anything was wrong, but one day the owner explained to me that he had been missing a lot of work. I guess they've been running test after test for the past six weeks and still can't find the issue; he's lost over 30 pounds.

I felt bad in general... but I felt really bad because prior to him telling me this I had asked my friend if he was still interested in buying some games I had been holding back for him for a few months and he said yes without letting me know what was going on. Had I known he had been missing work and was in no position to buy the items I wouldn't have asked... so I contacted him via e-mail and apologized and said the games could wait.

However, tonight the owner told me that he gave my friend a leave of absence and started training a new employee... but said my friend could return when things were on the upswing.

I know that may seem mean... but I understand the owner's situation (he actually has another job and this caused a TON of scheduling conflicts) and it wasn't fair to him, my friend or the customers. I say this because the one day I went in there I could just tell by my friend's body language and demeanor that he just shouldn't have been working. I mean really, he was just totally out of it and he shouldn't have been working... he's not going to get better with adding stress on top of whatever is ailing him.

But the whole point of this is I can't help but feel hesitant in wanting to contact him. He's a big reason why I enjoyed the store as much as I do and he always made me feel welcome... but I honestly feel given his condition he shouldn't be working. Now I wouldn't come right out and say that... but again, I feel hesitant to contact him because of this turn of events.

How would you handle this?

As long as your heart is in the right place, go with what your gut says. I'm not trying to be funny here, I really believe you should just tell him he should rest and not be working. If he's lost 30 pounds things are obviously not good. Has he been tested for lyme disease? That's often difficult to diagnose.

I'll see BBC that. It can't hurt to voice your concern. If he's as important S you say, I'm sure he'll be grateful for it. It always good to make sure your frolics know you care.

I e-mailed my friend (sometimes it takes him a few days for him to notice) but I'll ask him.

However, the cause everyone keeps bouncing around is his gallbladder. I'm not entirely sure if he's had trouble with it before as we've never really talked about anything involving each other's health until recently...

...but yeah, that would be bad enough, I just hope it nothing worse and we get to the bottom of it soon.

That said, thanks for the replys.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding something here but it doesn't really sound like you're that great of friends -- acquaintances at best.  You have interactions with him only at work and you emailed him for what is essentially a business transaction?  I don't think that's a personal enough relationship that you're in a position to be able to tell him he should or should not be working based on a diagnosis you're not even sure about. It's ultimately his decision and you don't really know what the logic behind that decision is.  It could be something worse than he's letting on or it could just be he wants to work.  If you had a more personal relationship with him I don't think you'd be asking a question like this and you'd probably have more information about his situation than you currently do.

Yeah, I'll admit that I'm probably more of an acquaintance than a full fledged friend... but, and I'll be completely honest here, I've tried being more than an acquaintance to some of the people at this establishment in the past and it didn't really work out. I'm just trying to keep myself from repeating past mistakes.

This is why despite the fact that I'd like to, I don't know, have lunch or something with this person, I've refrained from asking because I don't want to push too hard or back them into a corner.

And no offense, I think I know what a person who is too ill to work looks like. Additionally, there were a lot more details regarding this situation that I didn't fill you in on (like when a person is constantly throwing up on the job)  so I don't really you're in a position to tell me what I should say to someone else. Jesus, your train of thought above almost sounds like it telling me I shouldn't give a (expletive) about this person.

Edit:

I knew if there was going to be one person that had a problem with something I said here it was going to be you. Hardly a surprise.

I don't have many friends so yeah, I probably consider acquaintances more important than you do... but you can't even let me have that. Thanks.

I didn't have a problem with what you said, you asked how to handle it and I responded with how I felt you should handle it, based on the information you provided.

Moreover, the verbiage you're using in your first two paragraphs makes you sound like you're really awkwardly trying to force friendships and that's not really how things work socially?  "tried being more than an acquaintance", "repeating past mistakes", "don't want to push too hard"?  You're making this into way more than it really is. 

I go to a bagel shop every morning and get the same thing and I'm friendly with the people there and they're mutually friendly with me.  I don't know if I'd consider that a friendship, though.  If you do, then good for you, clearly we differ there.

Also, it has nothing to do with knowing what someone who is too ill to work looks like.  It's more about me not really feeling like you're in a position to tell someone that they shouldn't be working given what you've illustrated your relationship is and the information you provided.  That's a very personal decision, especially when it's medically related.  Ultimately you just don't know their situation.  If you feel like you're in a position to ask about it, then do so but you asked "how would you handle this?" and that is not how I would handle it.  It's his personal business (which is none of my business) and unless that person wants to tell me it's not something I would ever ask about.

Also, your last sentence is just super awkward.  "you can't even let me have that"?  What kind of passive-aggressive closing statement is that?  Let you have what?  Do you need us to validate your friendship with this guy or something?  These just aren't the kinds of questions people really ever publicly ask, they're normal, learned social cues.  If you want to be better friends with the dude just do it,  stop making it so awkward.

I'm done here... f--- off.

I'm not going to sit here and attempt to diagnose Ashley Winchester as being "on the spectrum" or anything like that. But I *am* going to stand my ground and say that there is something helpful in notions of "social intelligence" and "emotional intelligence," so if Ash posts questions but the answers seem obvious to you (or, in this case, us) -- why be disparaging? "they're normal, learned social cues" seems to come off as condescending. I suspect maybe that conversation would've gone better over a beer than on a forum. Which is probably the point. Or part of it. But I know I've been in Ash's shoes before, asking questions that seemed like they had no answers and literally everyone involved was like "stfu, the answer is obvious, how can you not see it?" Sometimes we get lost in ourselves and forget the rules of society. Our minds can fall apart, or lack resilience in the face of certain challenges.

Ashley -- my personal advice? Interpersonal effectiveness calls for assertive communication. If you get a chance to speak to your friend in the near future, maybe prepare some scripted statements / questions that you know you want to say, that are respectful to you (as someone who cares about this person) and to the other person (as someone who has met you, whose thoughts/feelings about you are presently unknown). By asking about their health, your friend may read it as a) a sign of caring, b) an invasion of privacy, or c) both. So you may want to couch your question in the language of "I don't need an answer if this feels like I'm invading your privacy -- but I want to be your friend and I'm concerned about you." That may or may not weird them out.

If there's one thing from jb's post I'll "hear hear!", it's "If you want to be better friends with the dude just do it" -- that said, I get that JUST doing it isn't JUST that easy, especially if you had a negative experience with other people in that particular social setting (the game store).