(yes this is one of my demented puns, turn back now or be forever scarred.)

there was a congressional hearing yesterday to decide whether or not to pass a bill making it illegal for people to wear their leather jackets inside out. at the end of the session it ended up being a deadlock, and the bill was eventually thrown out because neither side could be swayed,,, (suede)

An old favorite of mine:

I told her only a fool would take her to dinner in her bikini, so she went with a little moron.

-______________-;

The advantages of having had a crazy person for a sixth grade teacher.... (All 3 of my sixth grade teachers were a bit strange, actually. One would pick his nose and put his hand down his pants, another would make us chew gum and pop bubbles only at certain times, and another would tell us crude jokes.)

What do you call a midget having sex?

Answer: A little fucker.

What character in Shakespeare's plays killed the most chickens, hens, and geese?

Hamlets uncle, because he did murder most foul.

did i ever tell you guys about when i used to be in a band?
well,, until we got sued by arista records.

it was an amish singing duo,, we would travel the countryside in an ox cart and i would play the washboard and sing while zeke would play the pipes. We called ourselves Haulin' Oats