Recently there has been a teenager in my community that has set up donation pots and has held several events in order to raise money. Unfortunately, the more I think about why she is raising money the more I'm at odds with it.

See, she's not trying to raise $6,000+ for a reputable charity like AIDS research or Make-a-Wish, but rather to send herself to China to take part in teaching English to the people over there. Thing is, she's previously been to the Dominican republic on a related project, but I have a hard time considering this to be charitable.

A lot of this has to do with when my sister was younger. My sister got offered the chance to go to France. At the time, my parent’s finances were in bad shape and they just couldn't afford it. They told my sister no, and as expected, she was angry. Fast forward to today (14 years later) and my sister has had other opportunities come along and she has done very well for herself. In fact, my mother had to remind her of the above as she completely forgot about it - to which my sister jokingly replied "I still hate you for that."

I guess what I'm trying to say is it is ok for a parent to say no to a child; and it is really right to try and ask the community - a community that has become home to lower and lower classes of families since my childhood - for help? I mean if I was to see two collection pots - one for this and one for helping, say the disabled, well, the disabled are getting my money.

However, as I told my co-worker at work, I guess the girl should be commended on her drive and perseverance. We all need help a one time or another; still, there are many people that make their way forward without such help.

Anyway, this isn't an attack, but I'm totally at odds when I see these collection bottles at the local store and bank (the latter being the more disturbing in my opinion as the local bank is infamous for these kinds of things) and I guess I'm just asking for a second opinion.

If she is raising money to benefit herself, it isn't charity. By definition, charity is helping others in need, not an action undertaken to further her career options.

With that in mind, it's fine if she sets that kind of thing up, and others want to help her reach her goals - so long as she doesn't do so under the guise of charity, because that is wholly misleading in this case.

Well, I don't know if I want to say she's misleading anyone, and "charity" might be the wrong word - thus why "charity" is highlighted in the title, but what I was taking away from the whole thing was her "helping" teach people English that didn't know, and taking the time to was what made it "charitable." I guess it's a matter of interpretation. Still, like you said, there could be more to it than that. I mean I'm sure that would look good on a college resume.

Still, I guess in the manner the funds are being gathered kind of rubs me in the wrong way; with so many organizations out there asking for donations for causes sometimes it seems so daunting when you're faced with a guilt trip every time you flip the channel. For example, sometimes is seems so damn unfair when you see a dog giving you puppy eyes backed with some sappy song. I mean talk about loading for bear when it comes to emotion.

I couldn't have said it better...

I really-really hate begging people for spare change to afford bus fare, but i admit that I've had to resort to it a few times to get home in just this past month.

So far i've been lucky, I've found that most New Jerseyans are willing to help someone out if you approach them in a polite and respectable manner.

I guess i really underestimate the kindness of strangers, sometimes.

At other times, I feel like the entire world is out to get me...

The term "Donation" would be accurate for what she's doing, and could indeed be for a personal purpose without being misleading.  It's just not a very classy move and is a low ball tactic.

They know they are donating to HER personal adventure, not for helping chinese students.  She's not MOVING there to be a resident english teacher, and I hardly think it'd be denying any student a chance to learn english if she's not there.

When people choose to donate anyways just to be nice or out of liking her, well she's already learned to be a manipulative bitch aka "a successful woman".

But if she is trying to spin it that she's somehow saving their lives, or tossing around the word Charity, then yes it would be misleading.

Whatever the case may be, if her intentions are good, then she should be fine in the future.

If she's doing this just to get a free trip to China, she may get away with it for now, but it will eventually come back to haunt her in some form or another somewhere down the line...

That's just how Life works, you eventually get what you truly deserve, based on your actions of Right Now.

And it doesn't matter if you're rich, poor, black, white, old, young, tall, short, fat, thin, etc.

It transcends all Levels of People, no matter what.

Would that be the only definition of a "successful woman"?

That is kind of ignorant. If people are helping her out for those reasons, she's not necessarily manipulating them.

A lot of women are quite skilled at convincing men to help them out or give them things. 

She's succeeding in getting people to give her funds by influencing them, and the same skills which influence people are often the same skills used in manipulating people.

Would you agree that people (both men & women) don't climb life's social ladders by doing things by themselves or on their own?  Successful Men get where they are by influencing people too.

But if she was a guy asking for money to travel to China though, do you think just as many people would donate to him?  My guess is no, because people by default think guys should be able to earn the funds themselves.

*hands Carl Flame Armor*

Ashley, you seem immersed in a world where everybody talks about everyone else and it affects you when it happens to you. You've mentioned it over and over. And here you are, doing the exact same thing yourself.

I don't know if what she is doing is wrong or right. I don't know her and I don't know her situation. I do know that I can get on with my life without worrying about what someone else is doing.

I suspect your life would be better if people let you get on with your life. How about letting her get on with hers?

In his defense, this IS the "open" topic. If there were rules for what you're allowed to expound, they weren't specified very well.

I'm not making any judgement on whether the thread is suitable or not for the board (I don't see why it wouldn't be). My post was to question whether it serves Ashley to spend time worrying about what someone else is doing when that happening to Ashley and the effects of that seems to have been a recurring theme in the past.

First of all, I wasn't spending all my free time wondering about this... I had an opinion towards it and wanted to know how other people would react towards the same issue. That's it, bottom line... I have more pressing issues deal with.

Secondly, I know my reputation around here is next to nill anymore do to some of my actions and if anyone wants to come out and say I'm flat-out crazy, feel free to - I'm beyond caring anymore. I'd explain why I act the way I do but I'd just be a big, sobbing vagina no one wants to listen to so I'll stop there. If I'm guilty of anything it's spending too much time here and not enough time with real, tangible people - and the fact my feelings are so easily hurt by people I've never even seen or met proves this to me.

Thirdly, I've honestly considered asking Adam to wipe out my profile on these forums as I really do need to find a reason to quit posting because all I'm doing is digging the hole deeper and deeper. Additionally, I don't miss writing reviews or anything anymore. So really, if your reading this Adam, you be doing me (a probably the community) a favor by deleting my namesake as I wouldn't bother creating another one.

So, whatever. Feel free to twist the above in any manner you see fit.

Ashley, chill a bit. I get the feeling that you're taking stuff too personally and seriously, and that you're more concerned with your "reputation" and with justifying your opinions/posts than you should be. Relax.

Heh, STC: SERIOUS BUSINESS...

Carl: I agree for the most part. I also find it annoying when a person can become successful merely on social prowess (a usual extension of said manipulativeness). I'd rather work with complete assholes who I can count on to do their work, and be qualified/capable of doing it, over someone who got ahead kissing ass.